How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with needing to tear your spouse’s clothing away on a whim (it can definitely result in a hot relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper love will determine the commitment level. Understanding the difference between lust and love will help you better understand just how romantically involved you envision being with your companion. And, what’s more, check out this site is going to provide you a great idea of how to feel on your own spouse, seeing flaws and how they effect you.

As a licensed wellness coach I work with people on feeling fulfilled with their relationships, no matter what that really stands for. In some cases, individuals are just after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when. But usually there is less of a link beyond the physical (you are kind of dating the body, rather than the person inside it). As there’s an affection and understanding that there, contrarily, a relationship built on love is going to have a more significance. No matter what you searching for, the two could be fulfilling the long-term result will fluctuate. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love at a relationship.

You Have Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there is probably a love there. “When there is depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a great sign that there’s love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your own relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“If you find yourself romantically and sexually aroused by these, but have no interest in the emotional and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed advisor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you don’t enjoy his or her personality in bed, but you still want to remain together for a slew of other reasons, it’s probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that is deeper than just sexual appeal, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you may be trying hard to connect sexually with your partner,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and firmly physical. It typically involves idealization and fantasy about the individual,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor In Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It requires more time to grow and feels much more like a mental and psychological bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the early phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of the mind, which can be fed from the hormones that surge through you every time you see or consider the object of your dreams,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are continually looking to get a ‘repair’ of the partner then you are most likely still at the lust stage. If you’re able to go some time with no contact and are not continually thinking about them then you’ve moved into the attachment or love stage,” Archard describes.

You Believe Grounded About Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Love is layered. When you like someone you take the entire package. You want to get to know them. You care about them and look after their wellbeing,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. In general, you’ll be enthusiastic about peeling back those layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Matters

“From the time love happens, couples are generally moving in together, buying a home, moving up the career ladder, and believing of kids. They have much more pressure happening in their lifetime, which helps to eliminate (or slow down) lust,” describes Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You’re Focused On Getting What You Need

Following is an integral difference: Lust is all about getting what you want (perhaps some hot sex ?) , while love is much more concerning giving onto a spouse and enduring the relationship, explains Author & dating coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about visit the site ‘ll help determine whether you’re feeling lust or love and where your brain is.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open

“If you feel safe to share your feelings in your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it’s likely love. Should you believe you either can’t or don’t need to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, it’s probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these differences popping up in your relationship, you’ll certainly get a few signs to comprehend the difference. That is great, when it’s aligned with what you want. If not, it’s time to re-evaluate.